why. why why why?

It's a question I've been asking myself a lot lately. Why do we do the things we do, why do we react the way we react, why do we see things the way we see them? I don't know but what I do know is some of those things have to change in my life, for I know they are not the way that would be pleasing to Christ.

I've been frustrated lately. Frustrated to the way that people view others and view the idea of health and weight loss. I know I already went on a tangent about this, but I have come to realize the way I view it myself and see how my mind needs to change.

As girls, nevermind I am just going to talk from my perspective. I compare. I would go into target and compare myself to every single female I walked by. Oh good she's bigger than me. Oh I'm cuter than here. Oh how the heck did she get him? It was consuming my thoughts. I would compare myself to people in church, at restaurants, on TV... everywhere. I realized this was quite sick and made a huge effort to quit it.

I've lost a lot of weight, I'm doing it for me, for my healthy for my future and for my view on life. But people's comments are so frustrating to me. I am currently trying to battle seeing myself for what I look like and feel like right not but often still see myself at my biggest size. People think that because I am a smaller size that it gives them fill authority to say things such as this:

Please tell me that you have had several dates this past month.
So you've lost a lot of weight, are you going to keep it off this time?
Have you had to get a new phone number now? You know from all the guys calling you.
Good for you, you know my granddaughter lost weight and look at her now... she's engaged.
You must be so much happier
So what size are you now?
how much more weight are you going to loose?
Are you anorexic?


Thos are just some of the comments I get on a very, very regular basis. The thing is, is that I still don't see myself like I'm suppose to. I am suppose to see myself as "fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalm 139. As someone worthy to be bought at a price. I'm suppose to see myself as a daughter of christ who was "knit together in my mother's womb". Instead I continue to see myself as full of faults and those are the only things I see at times. When a call isn't returned or someone isn't into me like I'm into them, I go directly to what did I say or do wrong, did they not like the way I looked, instead of its too bad thats the way the act or think, we both deserve differently.

I'm pretty sure I am just rambling right now. I'm pretty sure it's holy week and satan is trying to get his hold on me this week and distract me from what should actually be happening. Each day is about Christ. I need to focus on looking in the mirror and seeing Jesus, not looking in the mirror and seeing fat, a zit, a bad hair day, arms I don't like or being in a place of life that I'm questioning.

I don't care who you are, what size you wear, what stage in life you are at whether you want to be in that stage or not... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You are so very beautiful in your own unique way, you are beautiful because you are unique and precious, because YOU WERE CREATED ON PURPOSE BY THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU SO MUCH, HE DIED FOR YOU!

May you look in the mirror today and see Christ and who He has MADE YOU to be! May you celebrate the life that we aren't worthy to have but we have because of Christ's death on the cross.